


Once more with FEELING

by drelfina



Series: Konoha is the Clownfish AU of the shinobi world [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU of AU of AU, Background Uchiha Fugaku, Background Uchiha Itachi, Choose Your Own Ending, Clownfish AU, Crack, F/M, M/M, Oiroke no Jutsu | Sexy no Jutsu, Other, Shisui is a precious mad scientist, Time Travel, barely there porn, by underage i mean shisui is fifteen-ish, crack with no redeeming value, hence the teen and up, it's Shisui of course it went bonkers, technically Shisui is underage but he's jounin so i chose not to use archive warnings, this is the only fic in the only pairing why am i doing this to myself, three alternate endings, utter crack, what if the Uchiha Discovered The Jutsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 19:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19818565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/pseuds/drelfina
Summary: AKA: You have the mysterious air of a cat. Or prostitute.Uchiha Madara invented the clownfish jutsu. Unlike in all other iterations, the Uchiha clan didnotshare this with the rest of Konoha, and instead kept it to themselves and bred like rabbits.They also only appear male when they leave their compound - as far as everyone knows, the Uchiha are extremely conservative misogynists.Uchiha Shisui was experimenting in the Forest one quiet morning on the hiraishin. He bent time rather than space.





	1. You have the mysterious air of a cat. Or prostitute.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, here we go again. the AU that keeps on giving! Now with time-travel! 
> 
> Instead of sharing with the world, the Uchiha kept the jutsu to themselves so they're ALL genderfluid/genderqueer, hence the pairing basically being OTHER and M/M and F/M even if it's just One Pairing because whatever Shisui's genital arrangements, s/he's genderqueer. 
> 
> So, are we ready? 
> 
> LET"S BEGIN.

It was ultimately, Uchiha Madara's fault. 

He was the one who invented the Jutsu, after all - and though for some reason, this had not resulted in the Uchiha intermarrying like crazy into the Senju (you'd think it would, because Madara was by all accounts _obsessed_ with Senju Hashirama), it meant that really in terms of numbers, the Uchiha wasn't in any sort of dire straits. 

It was one of the Secret Jutsu of the Uchiha Clan, but no one had been able to come up with a dignified name for it, because Madara had been _twelve_ when he'd discovered it so, it's just called the Jutsu. 

In any case, it was one of the first jutsu you learned as an Uchiha child, along with the Great Fireball Katon, and generally, to outsiders Uchiha had sons, but within the clan, they all referred to each other as Sibling or Cousin, rather than Sister/brother. 

That was just how it was. 

Before Madara had run off into the wilderness like some possessed being seeing all the Gods, he had managed to pass down the jutsu, his genes, and an exceptional curiosity for poking at all the jutsu you could possibly find. 

Madara didn't possess much common sense, so that didn't come along with the jutsu. 

So really, Shisui thought as he stood around in what appeared to be the Forest of Death, staring at the tree he had been using as a goal-marker that was suddenly much shorter and thinner 'round the trunk, this was all Madara's fault. 

Apparently Nidaime's hypothesis that space and time were inextricably linked was pretty true. Or else Shisui had fucked up the hiraishin really REALLY bad.

"Maybe his handwriting is just that terrible," Shisui muttered to himself, studying the tree. Roots didn't change that much over time, just size, and this was really the much younger version of it. Should he stab a hole inside to check its age? That would help… if he had actually known the age of the original tree back in his Home-Time. 

"Note to self, next time check age of trees before messing with space-time jutsu," Shisui said, pulling out his scroll and making a note in it. 

It was still the Forest of Death, though, because the air had that 'I wanna kill all living things in it, but particularly red-eyed bipedal monkeys' which Shisui thought was very unfair of Shodaime to imbue in their native forest. Still it was pretty unique - no other forest Shisui had encountered ever had that sort of feel to it, so he was pretty sure it was time not just space he'd traversed. 

Something cracked in the distance. Shisui paused in his writing. 

And then a little - shift in chakra… 

Oh. Fuck, Shisui thought. There was someone _else_ here. All the possible time-travel scenarios flashed through his mind and he stalled on _Don't let anyone see you what if a butterfly flaps its wings here and explodes in Mizu?_

Actually. He didn't mind if Mizu exploded. Kiri-nin might mind, but then they blamed Shisui for the algal blooms and bad water tides anyway so he was used to Kiri-nin having bad days because of him. 

(It wasn't entirely his fault. Just because he had used a REALLY large fireball and someone had thrown some sort of wind jutsu at him, and that resulted in some fascinating new weather patterns for a season, there was no real call for them to put a bounty twice as large as the Sandaime's own fucking bodyguards' on his head, right?) 

(it wasn't his fault that warm air can fuck with water currents, which in turn apparently make rain storms? It wasn't his fault, Fugaku-sama needs to stop taking the Hokage's angry messages about it. Nor was it his fault that Madara's kid had married Shisui's grandfather and eventually produced Shisui. ) 

A long, deliberate crackle of twigs in leaf litter. 

Considering that there was very LITTLE leaf litter, it was a deliberate sound, and Shisui was NOT going to stand around waiting in case Mizu exploded later in the future. 

He booked it.

* * *

Sakumo hadn't meant to be prowling the forest, not really. It wasn't his shift for patrol, but it was just edging to dusk, and he was edgy as hell. Relations with Iwa and Kumo were relatively tense right now, and he couldn't sleep, thinking of potential intruders. 

Sure the forest of death would help keep most of them out, but Hatake were wolves - he couldn't help but need to patrol his territory, ensure everything inside was safe from the outside. 

He wasn't expecting anyone or antyhing out here except, well the animals. 

Right until he heard a soft curse. 

He paused, and listened, stretching out his senses - he wasn't a sensor, but he sure as hell could smell… 

Human. Something off about the human too, something not quite right - his senses didn't know what to make of it, and just threw up "Cat". 

Sakumo stepped forward again, deliberately. If they were friendly, they'd call out the right code-words. If not … 

There was a burst of chakra, and the presence ran. 

Not-Friendly Cat, it seemed. 

Sakumo chased.

* * *

Most people who tried to chase Shisui down? Would have loads of problems - shisui usually took daily runs in the forest when he wasn't out on missions because Fugaku-sama refused to let him stay in the compound in the morning in case he blew up the west wall _again_. 

He knew the forest like the back of his _hand_. 

Except the problem was that _this_ forest was quite a bit younger.

Some trees were significantly _smaller_ than he remembered, and sometimes there were bigger trees in the way that must have died before he started regularly going to the forest - 

Oh and someone must have blasted that rock apart before. 

Because now his goddamn shins were very unhappy with him. 

Ow fucking Ow. 

Shisui had been slowed down significantly because this fucking Forest was younger than it should have been, and the heights of the branches were all _wrong_. 

But even so, a pursuer shouldn't be able to come even _close_ to - 

There was a crackle of something electric behind him, and the hairs on the back of Shisui's neck rose and he leapt up for a taller branch and pushed off into a tuck and roll and shunshin'd in a sharp veer to the right before the lightning cutting _thing_ sliced straight through where he had been. 

"Woah, Woah, I'm Konoha Shinobi!" he yelled, catching a sense of lightning chakra; a very distinctive one. "Hatake stop trying to kill me!" 

He was right - the white-haired shinobi paused from attempting to electrocute Shisui's ass off, and for a moment Shisui thought it was Hatake Kakashi, the one guy that the Uchiha Loved To Hate. 

Except… Kakashi didn't have such broad shoulders and he didn't keep his hair _that_ long and when he shook his head a little he realised that what was apparently vaguely pretty on Kakashi was strong and _handsome_ on this … guy… 

"Hatake Sakumo?" he blurted. 

Lovely. Great. He was in the past. Definitely in the past. How much in the past? Before Kakashi was four years old is what, cause the guy looked young enough to be maybe another half a decade before he jump-started Shinobi World War 4. 

The guy took an audible and obvious sniff, and snarled, like the actual wolf that vague histories had hinted at, and yeah his teeth were white and sharp and there was that very fancy tanto that everyone knew was Sakumo's name-sake and ho shit oh shit Shisui needed to come up with something quick that wasn't _Jump into the guy's pants and distract him_ or _run away_. 

Apparently, what Shisui found handsome was _feral_. 

Sakumo's gaze narrowed. "Who are you, _cat_?" he growled. 

There was no fucking running away from the _White Fang_ , he was supposed to be on par with the entire Sannin and apparently could track down a target across three goddamn countries and still have the energy to tear them to bits with his teeth and tanto. 

"I'm a bakeneko!" Shisui blurted out because Sakumo called him a _cat_ , and they were superstitious in the past _right_? And also Shisui was great at being a shinobi but he wasn't great at _improvising_ and Sakumo called him a cat anyway! 

Sakumo visibly froze. "A what," he said. 

"A bakeneko,' Shisui repeated, watching Sakumo's gaze look frankly disbelieving, and Shisui was going to have to come up with a real zinger to prove it. 

Sakumo snorted. "Prove it, kid." clearly raking his gaze over Shisui - and maybe that made him shiver because he was a sucker for danger and feral guys who could probably break him in half but he'd really like to not die right now. 

"You don't believe me? Fine." A few seals - and then suddenly he was female - her shirt suddenly a little big in the shoulders, weirdly tight around the chest and definitely riding up oddly about the waist, and best not to talk about how her pants was sitting funny now. 

Sakumo's jaw actually dropped. 

"That's a henge," he said, uncertainly. 

"You can _smell_ the change," Shisui said and with a sudden burst of inspiration, zipped right up close to Sakumo and yanked his hand up against her chest. "You can check if you want." 

Sakumo startled back a little, but his eyes widened, darkened and hey at least that wasn't murder intent right? 

Good, win win all around! Hooray for improvision. 

Right until Sakumo growled and then Shisui was suddenly flat on the ground and her shirt UP and pants DOWN and. 

Oh. 

Um. 

Oops?

* * *

Sakumo had not believed the intruder at first. 

But there were so many points in his telling the truth - one, he was incredibly fast, and Sakumo had encountered very few people who didn't essentially burn energy like a forest fire to be that fast, and this kid had done it seamlessly, effortlessly. Two, he apparently knew the forest very well, taking to it like a native - and very few shinobi even in Konoha were so at home with the Forest of Death. Three, he knew sakumo's name even though he did look a little like an Uchiha except for some startling oddities, smelled like the Fire of an Uchiha except not really, and then there was the fact that four, he could change sex. 

Really really change sex. 

Up close, Sakumo could definitely smell the difference, the milky sweet scent of a very eager, aroused female, and still with that sparking hot burn of an Uchiha. 

Bakeneko were associated with fire, weren't they? Or was it nekomata? Either way, cats. It explained the weird, other-worldly scent, the way everything about her made Sakumo's hackles rise nd his teeth feel sharp. 

But mostly bakeneko weren't like kitsune; they weren't tricksters, and as far as Sakumo knew, they were generally shyer? 

This one had been technically minding its own business in the forest, if anything. 

She also smelled very, _very_ good, and made very encouraging noises when Sakumo got to … ah, confirming the reality of her female qualities. 

Up close , her eyes definitely looked cat-like, dark and sharply upturned, dark eyelashes fluttering closed when Sakumo rocked into her. 

Sakumo was definitely not the kind to seek his own pleasure ahead of his partner's, even if she was a bakeneko; he made sure to pay very close attention to every erogenous zone he could think of - it wasn't surprising that she responded very well to fingers, and licking, and even less surprising that she responded very well to being nipped in the neck. 

Cats, right? 

He did ensure he got her off almost three times before he let himself spend in her, taking pride in the fact that she was dazed and more than slightly unfocused when he finally withdrew. 

"So," he started to say, when the bakeneko jolted upright, narrowly missed braining herself on Sakumo's chin. 

"I have to go!" she said, and did - something. Seals? There was a flare of chakra and… 

She disappeared. 

Literally. Her scent ended there, and it wasn't even a kawarimi. 

Huh.

* * *

In another world, in another iteration of the jutsu, just swapping sex would be the world's best and cleanest contraceptive. [1] 

This was not that world. 

In this world, Shisui was back in her own time, breathing a sigh of relief. And then discovered she couldn't turn back to male.

Hatake Sakumo had been a fantastic lay, 10/10 would do again, except Shisui knew he was literally Shisui's parents' generation, and it was fortunate enough she hadn't broken things too hard. Mizu probably was still in one piece here, after all, and a quick peek at the Hokage tower showed the usual buzz of activity at this time of the morning. She had only been away for two minutes in her own time, everything was all back to normal and she could just head home after making all her observations in the Time-Skippy Jutsu… (it wasn't real research unless you wrote it down!)

And she couldn't change back to male. 

Fuck. 

She knew what it meant. 

There was a _reason_ very few of the Uchiha went out in public While Female, and this, THIS was the reason WHY, Shisui's older cousins had warned him about. Hell, she'd personally told her younger cousin Itachi about it too. 

This was what you got when you went around having unprotected sex with hot feral Hatakes. 

"Fuck," Shisui said, and then eyed her notes. Fine. Nine months somewhere she could have a private pregnancy and not have to admit to Fugaku-sama how Badly Shisui Had Fucked up. 

Shisui was _not_ ready to be a teenage mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1]: For a Much Better Designed Sex Change Jutsu, please visit the REST OF THIS GODDAMN AU. Technically this version of the Uchiha-Sex-change jutsu takes far more inspiration from the super old fandom fanfics ["Side-effects" ](https://chibirisuchan.livejournal.com/11782.html) by chibirisuchan, and Messypeaches' Coincidentally named [Side Effects: Heiwa No Jutsu](https://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/s/naruto-fan-fiction/side-effects-heiwa-no-jutsu/108845), where if the uterus is occupied, it's not fucking leaving, good job Shisui. 
> 
> So apparently Shisui's fireball is large enough to superheat some air, and cause the El Nino effect. 
> 
> I mean sure one person, super localized fire ball, what the fuck ever right? But look, you have ninja throwing literal elemental magic around the fucking place, weather patterns being fucked with is probably de rigour. 
> 
> Don't fuck with giant fireballs kids! You can cause climate change! 
> 
> Hello again, Clownfish AU. It's like you're an everlasting fascinating bugfuck series that will never leave me alone. 
> 
> So in this iteration of the AU, Madara made the Jutsu. He only shared it with his Clan, so Just the Uchiha are secretly sex-changing shinobi, and they generally keep to themselves, and anyone who DOES marry into the Clan… well, they learn to keep their mouths shut too. 
> 
> If the kid grows up and becomes a shinobi (as they almost always do) they default to Appearing Male , because it's just so much easier. As far as the rest of Konoha is concerned, daughters never leave the Clan grounds, and the Clan is like, Super Conservative, wow so weird. 
> 
> Madara probably got himself pregnant at one point, had a kid of at the moment Unimportant Gender, who then married Kagami, and their kid ended up having Shisui. Outside of the Uchiha Clan, no one knows that Madara is technically Shisui's great-grandmother. This is clearly important information, since Fugaku is repeatedly reminded of it everytime Shisui blows something up, or causes some international incident with something extremely destructive, just because he thought it'd be cool to tweak a jutsu Just a little, Clan-leader! 
> 
> Everytime Shisui does something that fucks up something a little, Fugaku is reminded that while he might look like Kagami-san, this kid 100% inherited Madara's lack of common sense. Fugaku is sure that one day Shisui is going to go mad and run off into the forest like his great-grandmother Madara. Woe betide anyone gets in his way then. 
> 
> And in the proud tradition of Shisui does what Shisui wants, this fic has THREE ENDINGS. Pick your own ending!


	2. Situation Normal, Let's Proceed Alternate Ending #1

Nine minutes later, Sakumo had taken a good sniff around the forest clearing just in case. The bakeneko was definitely gone, no longer in the vicinity, and… well, he was going to just head back then. 

Just as he turned, however, a pop of chakra behind him made him whirl around and - 

Get a swaddled heap shoved into his arms. 

"Here you go," the bakeneko said, a little wild around the eyes, smelling both male and very milky. "A gift from the - uh, forest. Good bye." 

And then disappeared again, leaving Sakumo with a newborn infant. When he poked at the swaddling cloth, he realised the infant had a very fine tuft of pale hair, was as pale as … well, Sakumo. 

Hatake traits bred true, it appeared. Not like he could confront a bakeneko if it turned out that it had dumped a changeling or some other man's child on him anyway. 

"You're very skinny," he told the infant. "Skinny as a scarecrow."

* * *

And things proceeded as per canon. And this was why when Obito gave his eye to Kakashi, Kakashi's brain didn't explode from the constant use of a sharingan. 

THE END.


	3. Take Responsibility! Alternate Ending #2

Nine minutes later, Sakumo had taken a good sniff around the forest clearing just in case. The bakeneko was definitely gone, no longer in the vicinity, and… well, he was going to just head back then. 

Just as he turned, however, a pop of chakra behind him made him whirl around and - 

Get a swaddled heap shoved into his arms. 

"You _have_ to take responsibility now!" The bakeneko said, wild around the eyes. "I can't go home thanks to this, and - and I can't very well abandon the child!" 

"Um," Sakumo said, but the bakeneko was glaring at him now, eyes almost red. Sakumo hurriedly nodded. 

"You're going to name him Kakashi," the bakeneko said. 

"Do… I get to know your name or is that not allowed?" 

"You can call me … uh. Shisui. Shut up, dont complain about my name."

* * *

And Kakashi grew up with a mother who had a tendency to run off into the woods daily, whom his father kept calling Cat, and who had apparently come in before Sakumo could stab himself and had yowled loud enough that the Uchiha could hear, until Sakumo had been dragged to the hospital. 

Needless to say, Kakashi still had two parents and a healthy respect for cats to this day. 

His father always said that the reason why Kakashi seemed to summon dogs was because of his mother being a cat rather than another wolf. 

END


	4. Well this is Awkward…  Alternate Ending #3

Again, nine minutes later, Sakumo had taken a good sniff around the forest clearing just in case. The bakeneko was definitely gone, no longer in the vicinity, and… well, he was going to just head back then. 

Just as he turned, however, a pop of chakra behind him made him whirl around and - 

Get a swaddled heap shoved into his arms. 

"Here you go," the bakeneko said, a little wild around the eyes, smelling both male and very milky. 

"Um, what," Sakumo said, staring down at the bundle in his arms. "This is a baby." 

"Yes, it's _your_ baby." The bakeneko frowned at him. "And you're - you're going to take care of it, and - and - rear it and everything. I will _know_ if you don't!" 

'... but it's only been nine minutes, how can it even be mine?" 

"I am a _bakeneko!_ " the cat yelled at him, nad the infant snuffled. Instantly the cat settled down a little, though he still looked very ruffled. "I'm too young to be a mother." 

"Too young? But you're -" 

Right, wait, bakeneko were just unusually long lived cats right? Or something like that. They weren't kitsune who lived hundeds of years before attaining human form. 

"Bye," the cat said before Sakumo could try to hand the baby back. 

"Damn," Sakumo said. Looking down at the infant. It had his little tuft of white hair, pale skin and for an infant, looked skinny as a rake. 

"Guess you really are mine," Sakumo said, philosophically. "Little scarecrow."

* * *

When Shisui zipped back home, he felt like it was situation normal, everything fine. He was probably just ten months older than everyone else, but it's not like a year would have made that much of a difference - um. Other than his pants needing to be adjusted for his height but then he could just wreck his clothes a little and the Clan wouldn't notice anyway. 

He was out and about in Konoha for two weeks and poking cheerfully at the fruit in the marketplace before his morning run when an oddly familiar presence paused beside him. 

"Huh," Sakumo said, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a cat, Uchiha-kun?" 

Shisui nearly set the fruit-stall on fire. 

Fuck. 

END


End file.
